Confessions of a NASCAR Napper

So it's the first Sunday afternoon sans NASCAR, and I have an awful confession to make.

While I miss the high-speed drama, the smoking tires, and all that goes with race day, what I'm really missing right now is my NASCAR nap.

Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.

The Sunday afternoon NASCAR nap is a beloved pastime in living rooms and dens across America. And although I don't nap during every race, I particularly enjoy it when the circuit hits tracks like Pocono or Michigan.

Come on, you've been there. You've just partaken of a satisfying Sunday dinner, you've changed out of your church clothes, and you're settled in to watch the race on your lounging furniture of choice. Before you know it, it's 70 laps in, there's a long green-flag run, and you've drifted off to dreamland.

Can I get a witness?

The beauty of the NASCAR nap, is that it can indeed be a group activity. I've watched races with friends, and before you know it three out of four of us are out like a light - leaving the alert one in the group to hit us in the shoulder when say, David Stremme, causes a caution. So here's NASCAR nap rule #1 - if you're group napping, be sure to assign a designated watcher.

NASCAR nap rule #2 - NASCAR napping doesn't work so well when you're actually at the track. It's too noisy for one thing and you just might get stepped on by an irate Kyle Busch fan. I admit I haven't actually tried (or wanted to try) at-the-track-napping - something tells me it would only lead to disaster. However, when you're in the calm and safety of your own abode, well the NASCAR nap is a beautiful thing.

NASCAR nap rule #3 - Get a DVR. The DVR is heaven's gift to us NASCAR nappers. With it, we can doze a little and not miss a beat. If roused by an excited commentator and the sound of crunching metal, just hit rewind to see what all the fuss is about.

NASCAR nap rule #4 - Be selective when napping. I don't suggest napping through Bristol or the Daytona 500 (even though the 500 is tempting, simply because there is such a long period in which to snooze). Save your naptime for the historically less dramatic races - and even then be judicious. You never know when a day at Loudon could end up like Talladega.

NASCAR nap rule #5 - Don't hate me because I nap. I'm no less of a NASCAR fan because I sometimes doze off during a race or two. And I think my fellow nappers would agree - they don't call Sunday the day of rest for nothing!

Biffle Takes a Dive and Other Race Week Ramblings

He meant to do that: For all you #16 fans who remember Greg Biffle's boating "accident" earlier this year, you'll be interested to know that the Biff has taken yet another dive. Fortunately, this time, he meant to hit the water. Biffle was in Tampa yesterday as part of the 2009 Coke Zero 400 NASCAR Media Day. While there, he took the plunge and swam with all manner of fish at the Florida Aquarium. An added bonus, none of Biffle's ribs (or marine life for that matter), were injured during the event.

More than meets the eye: Kyle Busch will drive a new Transformers: Return of the Fallen/M&M's paint scheme at the Infineon road course in Sonoma, CA. This is ironic in so many ways. Given the backlash against guitar man, I bet Joe Gibbs is wishing he could transform Busch's image about now.

Speaking of Joe Gibbs Racing: If anybody needs the luck of the Irish Hills for the Lifelock 400, it's poor Denny Hamlin. Seriously, could he have had a more discouraging day at Pocono? Hamlin had the fastest car in practice, but with a busted fuel pump right out of the gate, he didn't ever have a shot at a decent finish. The law of averages would indicate he's due for a good race. Hopefully, Hamlin will find his pot of gold at MIS--or at least finish in the top 10.

Everyone's favorite track?: It's true. Drivers adore Michigan--even if they've never won there before. Says Jeff Gordon, "You would think my favorite track would be one where I've won more times, but I love Michigan." Per Bobby Labonte,"Michigan is my favorite race track to go to as a race car driver. I just love Michigan speedway. It’s just a fun race track to race at and I know that I’ve used every groove there ever was to run there, from entry to middle to exit. " Then there's Brian Vickers, “Michigan’s a great track with some really fun racing. I like the fact that it’s wall-to-wall racing." Finally, David Stremme, “Michigan International Speedway is awesome."

Just because I love Duke basketball: Houston Rockets star and Naismith winner/Duke basketball alum Shane Battier will be taking in his first Cup race this weekend as part of a promotional effort for the ServiceMaster Clean/Shane Battier Franchise Scholarship . “Growing up in Detroit, with my family and friends entrenched in the automotive industry, gave me a keen appreciation for cars,” said Battier. “And having lived in the NASCAR belt for the past 12 years - in North Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas – I thought it was about time to get to a NASCAR race.”

Sunday Superlatives - Dover Edition

The Autism Speaks 400 wasn't the most exciting race of the season, but it did have its moments. Below are the winners and losers of The Monster Mile.

The Two Things At Once Award: With another 2nd-place finish at Dover and a new first place spot in The Chase, Tony Stewart gets my vote as the guy who's most likely to make this driver/owner thing work. Not only are the teams of Stewart-Haas Racing competitive in their first year out, they're damned good. With rumors abounding that Smoke will add a third car to his stable in 2010, it looks like this is one driver who can own a team and still be a formidable on-track contender.

Smooth Move of the Race: For sheer racing gravitas, this award goes to David Reutimann. The pole sitter found himself in an uncomfortable position when David Stremme wrecked right in front of him. But with some quick-thinking smoothness, Reutimann spun his car around the careening Stremme to avoid one monster of a crash. "The Franchise's" move saved the day and helped give Michael Waltrip Racing a top 20 finish.

Weekend Game-Changer: Rick Hendrick made a tough call this week, replacing Tony Eury Jr. with Lance McGrew atop the #88 pit box. And, from the sound of the team's radio chatter and Dale Jr's 12th-place finish, it looks like the crew chief shake-up was a good thing. Not only did the switch appease Junior Nation, McGrew's calls seemed to satisfy his driver as well. Junior told the media after the race, "I was pretty pleased that we were making good gains on the car all race long."

Instant Karma's Gonna Get You Award: Kyle Busch made headlines this week taking yet another verbal jab at Dale Earnhardt Jr., his favorite punching bag. But in the end, Busch's punches came back to haunt him. Call it instant karma or poetic justice, but Busch lost Saturday's Nationwide race to Brad Keselowski (who just happpens to drive for the Dale Jr.-owned JR Motorsports). As if that wasn't enough, Busch finished Sunday's Cup race in 23rd spot, well behind Dale Jr's 12-place-finish. Of course, Busch will likely blame tire trouble and/or equipment failure for his lackluster performances. After all, it's never the driver's fault. Right, Kyle?

Killer Pit Crew Performance: Matt Kenseth's Killer Bees secured a leading spot for their driver in one heckuva pit stop. Too bad Kenseth's car didn't have the goods to contend for the win. But kudos to his crew for their fantastic performance.

Rebound of the Race: Greg Biffle went from one lap down to having a legitmate shot at the checkers. Taking just two tires on the last pit stop put the #16 Ford in position to win. But in the end, Johnson and Stewart proved too much for The Biff. Still, third place is nothing to sneer at--and it's Biffle's ninth top 10 finish at Dover.

Is Biffle His Own Worst Enemy?

Greg Biffle may have been driving a winning ride Sunday, but his tragic misstep off the track sent his Victory Lane hopes right down the pits. The #16 car was one of the quickest and most consistent cars of the night. But when Biffle took a long slide into his pit stall and ran over his air hose to boot, his perfect night went kaput.

To Biffle's credit, he took full responsibility for the error. After the race, he even said his mistake almost brought him to tears and that he should be fired. I wouldn't go that far. However, his pit road flub-up was only one of several errors "The Biff" has made since Daytona.

The night before his race-breaking pit stop, you could find Biffle smacking his car into the back of Brad Keselowski during the Nationwide Race at Fontana. The contact ended Brad's night (he was running fifth at the time) and wrecked the ill-fated Jason Leffler in the process. Then, on lap 128, Biffle spun out -- bringing out another caution and more pit stops for the field. He took a fifth-place start and turned it into 34th.

Of course, Biff's "just racing" incident on Saturday could have been a not-so-subtle payback for the Gatorade Duels, in which a tap from Keselowski sent Biffle spinning into the grass and subsequently into the garage. And then there were the four cautions at the Bud Shootout in which Biffle was involved --the last being contact with David Stremme, which again ended his night early.

The man himself summed it all up pretty well in an interview before the Daytona 500. "My thoughts right at this second are hopefully that before Speedweeks is over I get to finish a race is what I'm thinking about right now. We've had a few off-road excursions so far and these cars aren't nearly as good in the grass as they are on the pavement," he said.

The good news is, Biffle finished Daytona and Fontana, and ended his night in Cali with a solid fourth spot. He's even sitting pretty in the top five in points.

But if Biffle can't keep his "user errors" to a minimum, he won't be there for long.