Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A NASCAR Festivus for the Rest of Us

If tinsel and lights ain't your thing and the commercialism of Christmas is making you blue, then call your friends, break out the aluminum pole, and prepare yourself for an alternative holiday tradition.

In the spirit of Seinfeld and the unforgettable Frank Costanza, I'm celebrating an early "Festivus for the Rest of Us." A holiday that flies in the face of the more positive spirit of the season, Festivus has become a bona fide pop culture phenomenon. And to that end, I'm participating in one of the celebration's official rites, The Airing of Grievances, NASCAR-style, of course.

It goes without saying that NASCAR is the sport we all know and love. But even in the best of times there's room for improvement. So if anyone out there is listening, here are some issues that the folks in NASCAR could work on next year.

So read on and feel free to share some grievances of your own. Oh, and Happy Festivus!

1. The dreaded phantom debris caution - When the yellow flag is flown for debris of unknown origin, it does level the playing field and make things more exciting. Unfortunately, there are so many phantom debris cautions, the term has now become practically synonymous with "the fix is in." So, I propose a new rule - no debris cautions unless the debris can and will be shown by the cameras. Capisce?

2. More coverage of Champion's Week - Other than those lucky enough to be on the Strip, most race fans missed the live Victory Lap in Vegas and the Jimmie Johnson roast. Plus,the gaping time delay on banquet night meant fans were up 'til 1 a.m. to watch what they had already read about on Twitter. Quite frankly, I'd rather see more comprehensive coverage of Champion's Week than listen to Jeff Hammond massacre the names of high-end designers (Badgley Mischka comes to mind) during the red carpet part of the show. Let's do better next year.

3. Better info. at the track - The races I went to this year had one thing in common - track workers who didn't exactly know how to answer my questions (such as where do I catch the infield shuttle, what gate is closest to my seat and where's the concert stage for the Zac Brown band). I do realize that putting on a NASCAR event is a phenomenal undertaking, and not every worker can be a walking repository of all the weekend's knowledge, but basic questions ought to be able to be addressed.

4. More feuds - So I realize this grievance might make me sound a bit redneck, but so be it. Whether it's Tony Stewart and Juan Pablo Montoya or Brad Keselowski and Denny Hamlin, NASCAR needs some more drama. Fans don't want drivers holding hands 'round an EZ Grill and singing Kum Bay Ya. We want some trash talk, some paint-tradin' and maybe a driver who "rains blows upon" another driver. Let's hope Hamlin and Special K don't cool down in the off-season like Smoke and JP seemed to do.

1 comment:

  1. Happy Festivus, Michelle.

    Since you have opened with the airing of grievances, now it is time for the feats of strength. This year the honors go to Denny Hamlin and Brad Keselowski. Festivus cannot be over until Denny pins Brad to the floor....lmao