Signs You're Too Obsessed With NASCAR

Last week as I was driving to work, I crested a small suburban overpass only to discover debris on the highway. Large pieces of wallboard, recently fallen from a nearby truck, hit the hood of my car and then created a vortex of suction which forced me to pull over and rid my car of the offending material.

First, let me state for the record that I drive a standard foreign import. I do not drive, and have never driven, a stock car.

Second, my mechanical abilities end with checking the oil and changing a tire. Yet regardless of this reality, the first thought that entered my mind when hitting the said wallboard was, "I hope that didn't just damage the splitter".

Seriously.

It took me a moment to fully understand what had just happened within the synapses of my brain. 

Namely this: no longer do I exist in the mundane world of the non-NASCAR fanatic.  A world where cars are just tools for commuting. Where points mean extra credit with the boss.  Where weekends are spent doing yard work and visiting places like museums and the cinema.

I've offically become a NASCAR obsessive - and this incident was just one of the signs.  If I had paid more attention, I would have seen this coming a long while ago. 

So, as this fanatic sets her DVR to record the NASCAR Hall of Fame specials tomorrow, I give you the top 10 warning signs that you may be overly obsessed with NASCAR:

10.  You don't have any vacation days left at Christmas because you've spent all your time off at the race track.

9. You sneak out of church early so you don't miss the green flag on Sunday morning.

8. Your pets have names like Daytona, Junebug and Rowdy.

7.  Sometimes, while looking in your rearview mirror, your first thought is, "uh-oh, they're three-wide behind me".

6. You sing the NAPA Know How song in the shower.

5. You won't pay to see a first-run movie, but you've invested in TrackPass, Sprint FanView and a scanner.

4.  You can't remember your best friend's birthday or your parents' anniversary - but you can recite the years Dale Earnhardt won each of his seven championships without a moment's hesitation.

3.  You can beat the pants off all comers in a round of NASCAR math.

2. Somehow, buying an RV seems like a better investment than paying for college tuition.

1. You can actually understand what Darrell Waltrip is saying.